


Less Than

by fishfingersandjellybabies



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 09:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10660185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishfingersandjellybabies/pseuds/fishfingersandjellybabies
Summary: Jason didn’t mean to find Damian in the middle of a breakdown. He also doesn’t know why he was surprised to find that it was Tim’s fault.





	Less Than

**Author's Note:**

> I recently read the Night of the Monster Men crossover, and it annoyed me how much everyone talked about Tim being dead. Like, I get this is right after it happened, but...it just seemed excessive. And I began to ponder how it would affect the boys who had been dead themselves before. I decided it wouldn’t affect them well, for a multitude of reasons. Basically, this is just Damian letting his own grief and insecurities finally get to him. He apologizes at the end because he feels guilty that the family found out and he made them feel bad/worry. He cries because of that and also his grief. Jason finally hands him over to Dick when they get home, and Dick holds him like a lil baby the rest of the night. Damian probably falls asleep in his arms let’s be real. This is basically just word jumble.

He found him lying on a skyscraper rooftop. On the middle of a helipad. Cape spread out beneath him, arms flung out, legs spread.

He didn’t have his mask on. That laid next to his head. His communicator laid next to that.

And Jason didn’t say anything. He wasn’t looking for the kid, and as far as he knew he wasn’t off the family’s radar either, but – he just had a feeling.

So he just took off his helmet and walked across the roof. Laid down by Damian’s head, so his own head was next to his little brother’s, and mimicked his pose.

The sky was clear tonight. And the stars were beautiful.

“…Do you think Father cares?” Damian asked, after only a few moments of silence. “Do you think _any_ of them care?”

“About?”

“The fact that I died.” Damian whispered. “The fact that _you_ died.”

And it looked like his feeling was correct.

“All they talk about is Drake.” Damian continued sorrowfully. “How _Drake_ isn’t here, how they have to live up to _Drake’s_ standard, honor _Drake’s_ memory – Drake, Drake, Drake.”

Damian took a deep breath, let out a deeper exhale.

“Do you think they talked about us like that? Or cared about our deaths as much as they do his?” Damian asked. “Do you think they even really knew Drake at all? I mean, at this point I think _I_ knew Drake better. Because he wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want to be held up as some kind of _martyr_. Or _cried_ over. Or whatever.”

“I know they did for you.” Jason was quick to confirm. “I remember what a mess they were over you. Dick about became an alcoholic. Bruce went insane. I…well, I was dead, so I don’t know what they said about me.”

“You’re the only reason Drake was in this family at all. He wanted to live up to the example _you_ set.” Damian whispered. “But…I feel like this is different.”

“Oh?”

“They didn’t use us as ways to get better. _Be_ better.” Damian continued, and Jason could hear him on the edge. He was going to crack. He was going to fall into a pit of emotions, and he was trying so hard not to. “They _mourned_ us, that’s all. They mourned us. They’re _still_ mourning us, and _we came back_.”

A tense pause.

“…Do you think they even know we came back? Or are we ghosts?” Damian whispered. “Are we still ghosts, Todd?”

Jason’s instinct was to say _‘Yes we are, and that’s all we’re ever going to be now. You’ll spend the rest of your life trying to overcome that. For them, for yourself, for everyone.’_ But he didn’t. He waited a moment, thought through his words. Sighed.

“You’re not a ghost to me, Damian.” Jason returned gently. “Am I a ghost to you?”

“No.” Damian said quickly. Almost sounded like he was blubbering, like he was a real ten year old.  With feelings and emotions and healthy outlets of how to show them. “I just. I don’t know. I feel like Drake’s death is more important than ours. They’re sadder with him gone than us.”

And Jason had to admit – it was a good thing Damian was still using pronouns like ‘we’ and ‘us.’ Hadn’t slipped into ‘me’ and ‘I.’ That meant he wasn’t internalizing. Wasn’t blaming himself and _hating_ himself and distancing himself.

At least – not yet.

“They don’t love us as much as they love Drake.” Damian surmised. “I’m sure of it.”

“I’m not.” Jason tried. “Remember – we stole tech, kidnapped Cyborg and jumped to an alien planet for you. That’s no small feat. Dick tried to kill the Joker for me, and you beat him with a crowbar. Have they done any of those things for Tim?”

“…No.” Damian admitted. “But-”

“Grief does different things to people.” Jason sighed, barely believing the old adage himself. “And Tim was a weirdo, so. They loved him differently than us. Not more, or less, but…differently.” He stopped as something came to mind. “And…he was always there, through every tragedy they – or even _we_ – went through. He popped up in Bruce’s life when I was dead. Was there when Bruce died, and even you, and was there when Dick pretended to be. Even for you, and don’t think I didn’t see you two reading _encyclopedias_ together in the manor library during Dick’s spy phase.”

“They weren’t _encyclopedias_ , they were _collections_. He found a volume of Arthur Conan Doyle’s vampire stories.” Damian corrected.

“…But now, suddenly _he’s_ the one gone, and no one has a backbone to hold them up emotionally anymore. Not even _you_ , apparently.” Jason waved his arm in the air. “Because, Damian, you realize you’re _way_ too young to be having an existential crisis, right?”

Damian hummed defiantly. Then: “…Maybe they’d be happier if I were able to take Drake’s place.”

There it was.

“I mean, if you all found _me_ , then I can find _him_.” Damian continued, even as Jason sat up. Began to turn himself around to face Damian. Damian didn’t move. “Surely I can make a deal with a deity, or find magic to switch our souls, or, you know-”

“Nope.” Jason cut off. “Stop right there, squirt.”

Damian paused, then tilted his head back, looking up at Jason. “I just mean-”

“I don’t care what you mean.” Suddenly Jason lashed out, reaching under Damian’s arms and dragging the boy towards him. Damian let out a noise of surprise, blinked, and instantly found him cocooned in Jason’s arms. Trapped in a circle of his legs and underneath his chin. Being held tightly, safely. “You’re going to stop talking like that right now.”

“…Todd?” Damian whispered.

“You _matter_ , okay? You matter as much as Tim did. _Does_. Don’t ever think otherwise.” Jason began to ramble. He found himself suddenly rocking slightly, but didn’t have the heart to try and stop. “And even if you think – wrongly – that the others don’t feel that, know that _I do,_ okay?”

Damian just slumped against him.

“I…” And it was still impossible to say a simple thing like ‘I love you,’ even to this child, the one who probably needed to hear it the most. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re _still_ here. I’m glad you came back. I think about it every day.”

He didn’t realize how he emotional he was getting, until he felt Damian reach up and wipe a stray tear away.

“Tim…isn’t more important than you. Just like Dick isn’t more important than the rest of us, no matter how much we still sometimes think it.” Jason whispered, shifting if only to hold Damian tighter. “And I know I’m not the brother to get all… _sentimental_ about the rest of you, but. Just. Just don’t talk like that, okay? Please, just don’t talk like that.”

“Todd…”

“If not just because you trading yourself for Tim would still leave this family missing pieces and broken,” Jason cut off. “But because if you let yourself think those kinds of things, then you’re letting that darkness win.”

He sniffed, shifted back so he could look into Damian’s eyes, and carefully lifted his hand to hold his face.

“You know that darkness I’m talking about, right? That darkness that sticks around after you come back to life.” Damian nodded silently. “You’re better than that shit, man. I know you are.”

“So are you.” Damian added quickly, before Jason could continue. “You’re better than that too, despite your attempts to act otherwise.”

Jason smiled, leaning his forehead against Damian’s. “…You feeling better, kid?”

Damian paused, but then shrugged. That was good of an affirmative as he was going to get for now, Jason knew.

“…Next time you start feeling like this, don’t come hide on a rooftop.” Jason whispered. “I want you to call me instead, okay?”

Because Jason didn’t want to think about what stupid thing Damian might’ve done if Jason hadn’t come across him. And he didn’t want to think about what stupid plan his little brother might think up the next time he got in this funk too.

“Promise me you’ll call me.” Jason ordered, even as Damian stared up at him with big doe eyes. “Like, _blood oath_ kind of promise.”

Damian quirked his lips, but slowly nodded.

“Good boy.” Jason hummed, pulling Damian back against his chest. “And if you break that promise, I swear to you I will kick your puny little ass.”

Damian scoffed, but curled into Jason’s embrace all the same.

“…You matter.” Jason reiterated. “You’re more than your death. _We_ are more than our death.”

“And we love you.” Jason and Damian both jumped. Found Bruce, Dick and Cassandra all standing on the ledge. It was Dick who had spoken, and before Jason could ask, Dick pointed to his own ear. “More than basically anything.”

…That’s right. Jason had never taken out or turned off his own communicator. Which means this whole conversation happened on an open channel, for the whole family to hear.

Oops.

Surprisingly, though, it was Bruce moving first, hopping off the ledge and gliding towards them like a man on a mission.

“I wish you’d told us that this is how you felt, Damian.” Dick continued, as he and Cassandra slowly followed Batman. Batman, who was dropping down next to them, and gathering both sons up into his arms. Damian didn’t react, even as Dick and Cassandra crouched around them too, Cassandra taking Jason’s hand in hers, and Dick carefully rubbing Damian’s curved spine. “I wish you would have let us help you.”

Damian shrugged. Hid his face against Jason’s throat.

“You’re not a ghost.” Dick whispered. “Neither of you are. And all of us…thank our lucky stars for that every single day.”

“You’re here. With me.” Bruce mumbled, and Jason glanced at him. Watched as Batman carefully ran his hand over the back of Damian’s head. “And I’m going to make sure you stay here with me, for as long as I can.”

“Tim’s death doesn’t mean any more or less than either of yours.” Dick added. “And it…breaks my heart that you thought that, for even a _second_.”

“I’m sorry.” Damian murmured. Cassandra silently shook her head.

“No, Damian, it’s not. You don’t have to-” Dick tried, but couldn’t find the words, so he sighed. “Don’t apologize, Damian. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It is valid.” Cassandra tried. “These feelings.”

“Completely.” Dick agreed. And when he said it, he glanced knowingly up at Jason too, who smiled sadly.

“I love you.” Bruce said simply, holding Damian and Jason tighter. “I love you all more than anything in the universe.”

And this time, when Damian spoke, there were tears in his voice. Jason could feel them on his neck. “I’m sorry.”

Dick kept rubbing Damian’s back. “…How about we call it a night and head home.”

Bruce nodded, and Dick held out his hands for Damian, the fact that he would not be walking on his own, able or not, unspoken between all of them.

“No, I-” Jason shifted his arms around Damian. Damian, in turn, let him, wrapping his arms around Jason’s neck in return. “Lead the way, ‘Wing. I’ve got him.”

Dick smiled and ruffled his hair, before leaning down and leaving a kiss to Damian’s temple. Reluctantly, it seemed, Bruce let his sons go, standing as Dick and Cassandra did.

“Take them to the manor, Dick.” Bruce hummed. “Cassandra and I will finish the patrol, and follow behind shortly.”

“An hour or less, or I’m coming back out here after the both of you.” Dick scolded, even as he began, almost ridiculously, to tuck Jason under his arm. Jason didn’t react to the gesture, just kept his focus on Damian. Cassandra gave a thumbs up, staring pointedly up at Bruce, who nodded eagerly. “Good. See you soon.”

He didn’t watch Batman and Black Bat race back into the city. Just kept his arm around Jason as he spun him and Damian around, and headed for home.


End file.
